RIOT IN THE SKY

Last night I got a malicious comment from a girl I don’t even know (she also posted anonymously—which is cowardly and immature).  She painted a ridiculously vivid memory from 2007  involving me, retold it from her own interpretations/inferences and attempted to strip me of my self-respect.   I don’t feel a need to copy and paste the message or my response because there’s no need to propagate this any further and I’m not trying to put her on blast.  I really want to move beyond the negative energy and try to bring universal awareness to the issue of hating.  The tone of her message was condescending and laced with spiteful humor.  I don’t know what I ever did to her directly, but she was so intent on “shaming” me to the rest of the world.     People are entitled to their opinions about me, I know not everybody will like me.  Her hate was so strong that she wanted the rest of the world to know what she thought of me.  Even though she admitted to enjoying my blog posts and praised me for my work, she insulted me and called me pathetic and petty.  It felt like she built me up just to slap me down. Like damn—she enjoyed humiliating me to the public more than anything. It was the most cruel, personal attack I’ve ever gotten.

I’m not mad about what she said (it was a completely subjective, false interpretation with no significance to me); I’m honestly more hurt by HOW she said it and her INTENTION behind it.  Like damn, it’s too often that women have the tendency to misjudge and interpret other women negatively—always assuming the worst—and then cheering on the guy.  I am FAR from perfect, and I never claim to be.  I’m only human—which means I have positive traits and also many insecurities.

When people hate, it’s really because they are jealous, insecure, want attention, want interaction, or all of the above. I’m def guilty of being a major hater at times.  That’s no secret.  When I hate, I realize that I’m just jealous someone else is doing something I wish I was doing—whether this is coming up with an idea first or having the courage to do something I’m too scared to do.  I know my hate is reactionary to my own insecurities, so I try not to let the hate manifest in negative energy or ugly actions.  These are all just stirred emotions.   So I’ll “hate”—but I control the hate, I can’t let it control me.

Some quotes from my mentors:

“People who talk shit on the internet anonymously or behind fake identities are cowards.  They’re too scared to say it to your face.  And even when it’s not to your face, they’re still too scared to let the world know how nasty or ugly they are acting.”

“When you make moves, people get jealous so they try to hold you down.  If you don’t challenge and shake things up, then you’re staying in the safe zone.”

“Tell them to GET OFF YOUR JOCK!”

“If people ARE talking about you, then you’re DOING your job.  It means you’re DOING SOMETHING.”

“Love the haters, the haters love you.”

“Haters gona be obsessed.”

It’s amazing how much time some people spend on my blog when they “hate” me so much.

This experience has made me rethink a lot about my art and blog.  I realized that I can’t waste my time responding to negative comments—this will only degrade me to the same spite and malicious intent as the hater.  This is time wasted that I should be spending on producing my art or crafting myself.  So from here on, I will not respond to anymore comments–good or bad. I only want to take in and exert positive energy.  So I will approve as necessary, and thank you all in advance for commenting.   People forget that this is my PERSONAL blog with PERSONAL views.  I don’t have to post or approve anything I don’t want.  I would encourage people to start their own blogs if they are so intent on speaking their mind about something (good or bad).

I’ve also decided that I’m going to be less personal in my posts. I’ll continue speaking from a personal point of view, but I’ll focus my topics on more interesting, universal points.  Don’t worry, I’ll continue to write whatever the fuck I feel like writing.  But I need to keep in mind that it’s more than just Facebook friends reading now.  Anybody could be reading at any moment, so  I will try to be more conscious of this.

A dope girlfriend said today, “It’s not about “winning” or letting the world know that you “won” by making better points to bring the other person down.  All that matters is that you won for yourself.  You don’t have to validate or prove yourself to anyone else.” This is true.  We should be helping elevate each other, not put each other down.  At the end of the day, it’s all a battle of egos anyways.  Another home girl, Miss P said, “If we don’t transform the way that we understand and love ourselves, then we’ll never understand how to love each other.” (Paraphrased from Bell Hooks).

I made a choice to put myself out there  on my blog.  The more I put myself, my art and my ambitions out there, the more vulnerable I make myself to judgment and criticism.  It’s the risk I accept in trying to make big moves and cause big waves.  I’ll inspire more people and also attract more haters.  I’m going to continue living my life and pushing my dreams while staying as positive as possible.  Whether people love or hate, I’ll continue to go hard.  I’ll continue to be human.  Every time someone gives me props, I’ll feel good that I was doing my job.  Every time someone hates, I’ll feel good that I was doing my job.  I promise you I am going places, so you can journey with me or bite the dust.

There is a great article on “How to deal with Haters” here.
(Special thanks to B for sharing the link!) B also says, “Baby, you got this.  Fuck the haters.  They only make you stronger and better.” And they give me more traffic!!! WAHOO!

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.  Let’s shake waves and make moves together.