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Adventures in Los Angeles pt. 2

I’m hella thankful for my time in Los Angeles. I spent time kicking it with the homies, getting good advice, giving good advice, eating and taking care of bidness. The days were pivotal and every moment was fulfilling and magical and challenging. The universe was talking to me heavy, and if you don’t know what I’m talking about, here’s another MUST for the Readership Hit List:

I treat The Alchemist like my bible. I just finished reading it for the second time and all my friends are so damn tired of hearing me make Alchemist references with every other point. “I said, I JUST WANA BE A SHEPHERD! FREE!” This is my most highly recommended book. In a nutshell, The Alchemist is a story about pursuing your dreams. When you want something, the entire universe conspires to help you achieve it, because people’s dreams come from the soul of the universe. So when you’re happy, the whole world is happy. “All things are one.”

Janet was also talking to me in LA. She used to always say, “Do what makes you happy. The rest will come.” Wednesday night was my performance tribute to Janet Brown and as stated in my previous post, I was crazy nervous. I performed a series of three pieces: a letter to Janet (new), a poem written 365 days after Janet’s passing, a poem soon after Janet passed in 2009. In an effort to avoid my self-deprecating tendencies (awful posture, short mic, poor lighting, awkward inflection, etc.), I’ll just say I was humbled by the standing ovation. If I could connect people with Janet’s spirit even the slightest bit, then I’m happy. Plus, I heard hella people cried, and I love making people cry. 8^)

Another highlight of my trip was chilling out at the UCLA Annual JazzReggae Festival:

I was a featured artist in the VIP section, GYEA! I was torn between chilling in the VIP area waiting for the different artists to arrive so I can meet them, or lying out on the grass in front of the stage. Sorry Nas and Damian, but I just couldn’t resist that California sun I didn’t get to meet them, but at least I got a tan. Holla.

Me and my east coast squeeze, Anjali

My own tent in the VIP section

One of my personal favorites, “Obama Pride”

Nas & Damian Marley performing

Adventures in Los Angeles pt. 1

What up fam! My bad for being off the bloggyblog, but there’s so much going on in Los Angeles I can’t keep up. So far, it’s been an amazing trip—bombdiggity weather with bombdiggity company. I love all my Californians!!

I arrived Saturday morning, settled in at my girl Tiffany’s pad (thanks for letting me crash!!), then got the grubbery on with some delicious lunch she prepared (thanks you Tiffany and Trader Joe’s, y’all make a dope team!!). After lunch, my first stop was Blick’s art store, where I picked up 8 Montana cans then headed straight to Venice Beach to get my paint on. We don’t have gorgeous beaches or many legal walls in Boston, so I made sure I hit the Venice Art Walls up while I was here.

Madd windy—look at those leaves fly!!

Don’t be fooled by my outfit, it was cold as shit at Venice Beach! Sultry summer hasn’t quite hit the coast yet (clearly I missed the memo, damn). It was windy the whole damn time and the big ass holes in my t-shirt weren’t helping—I had a current running through me. I painted characters of two of my favorite men (artist/friend/mentor/colleague/bigbro/bodyguard/roaddawg/soothsayer/etc.) SWAT and Problak. I love these fools so much it’s ridiculous. These men taught me everything I know about painting and more. The original sketch had a character of me between them with the middle finger up…but after 4 hours of teeth chattering and blue fingers, I was SO GOOD! Done and outa there!! Plus, I was down to my last cap. Saturday night ended with a bombass sushi dinner and watching Blue Planet and falling asleep to Rupaul’s Drag Race.

Sunday, I hit up my favorite daytime party in Los Angeles: The Do-Over. Sangria, beer and BBQ! This is where I had the pleasure of dancing to the grooves of DJ AM before his passing. I highly recommend it as a spot to check out for anyone in the area. Sunday night was none other than the LOST SERIES FINALE!!! I cried so bad. I won’t throw up any spoilers for people who are still catching up. I’m not one of those.

Monday night I went to visit Kat Von D’s shop! I heard she got a waiting list of FOUR YEARS. Cot damn. That is hella fucking tight. I’m just thinking about how dope it must be wake up everyday and do exactly what you love…to the point where you got a FOUR YEAR WAITING LIST?!?! She is the fucking shit! And an inspiration to me.

As much fun as I’m having here, I have to remind myself that this trip is first and foremost business, vacation is second. UCLA invited me back to do a tribute to Janet Brown. The Community Programs Office is the center of student activism and student empowerment on campus—it’s like the rebel headquarters, where I was heavily involved in for all 4 years of UCLA. The performance is tonight, so I’ve mostly been prepping these past few days. This will most definitely be the most personal showcase of mine yet—between UCLA homecoming and sharing in honor of my mentor, Janet Brown, I feel a lot of pressure to make it…worthy. I believe in the power of words, but sometimes words aren’t enough. How do I convey everything I want to about Janet to people who both know her and have never known her? This will be far from a “performance”. I’m not trying to put on a show for anybody. My most important goal is to connect people in the room with Janet’s spirit.

Wishing everyone a blessed and beautiful day. More Los Angeles stories coming soon. XO.

A post dedicated to Janet Brown

Janet Brown was my greatest mentor during my time at UCLA. I met her my freshman year. I was the front desk intern for the Community Programs Office (CPO) and she was the director of the CPO project, Writing Success Program (WSP). In my last two years at UCLA, I joined Janet in WSP staff as a Writing Counselor. We spent countless hours hanging out together in the WSP office, rapping about life, art and annoying college students. We complained about office politics, paradoxical progressivism and the damn spiral model. She had snowy white hair and wore denim shirts. She was my boss but I loved taking care of her like my mom. I would remind her to work on her novel the way parents remind their kids to eat their peas. In turn, she would yell at me for not working on my art (I was too busy with too many campus involvements).

Needless to say, Janet has had a profound impact on me as a writer, dreamer and human being. She had a revolutionary approach to the writing process and to life—both of which I apply and pass on to others every day. I feel blessed to be endowed with the gift of her wisdom. She was the first person to help me truly understand death.

After Janet passed, a few friends and I initiated the Janet Brown Scholarship to preserve her legacy and help support students through higher education. Janet taught me that money is energy. After this realization, I came to better terms with my role within capitalist society. It’s okay to want money. I used to be scared of money because I’ve only witnessed it for its destructive ability. But money doesn’t have to be evil. Money is energy, its got transformative powers. Wanting or having a lot of money isn’t selling out—HOW you get there makes the judgment call. The point of “struggling” isn’t to struggle forever. Don’t we all want nice things? Don’t we all deserve nice things? Even more, imagine all the nice things we can do (for others) with money. Don’t get it twisted: Money is NEVER the goal. Money is the MEANS, yadidameeeean?

I will leave you all now, with words from the legend Janet Brown herself. This is a letter I found off Janet’s desktop. We photocopied it and sealed it in envelopes for all her memorial attendees. If you take the time to answer these simple questions, your life can only get better.

WHAT WOULD JANET SAY?

The following are original words by Janet Brown—left behind on the Writing Success Program’s office computer. Janet showed her students the power in their own thoughts, creativity, and voice to motivate them in their writing and in life. If you went to Janet for answers, she would give you questions. Janet says:

Power Questions

· When am I most naturally myself?
· What is one thing I could stop doing, or start doing, or do differently, starting today, that would improve the quality of my life?
· What is my greatest talent?
· How can I get paid for doing what I love?
· Who are my most inspiring role models? Do I apply their lessons daily?
· How can I best be of service to others?
· What is my heart’s deepest desire?
· What are the greatest obstacles to the fulfillment of my dreams and goals?
· What are the blessings of my life? DO I recount them every day?
· What legacy would I live to leave?

Write drunk. Revise sober.

All values fall within this matrix. That is, to live a happy or productive life all humans need to feel:

Certainty/Comfort
Uncertainty/Variety
Significance
Connection/Love
Growth
Contribution

Improve the quality of your questions

Get rid of –
Why am I so stupid?
Why does this always happen to me?

Problem Solving Questions
1. What is great about this problem?
2. What is not perfect yet?
3. What am I willing to do to make it the way I want it?
4. What am I willing to no longer do to make it the way I want it?
5. How can I enjoy the process while I do what is necessary to make it the way I want it?

The Morning Power Questions
1. What am I happy about in my life right now? What about that makes me happy? How does it make me feel?
2. What am I excited about in my life right now? What about that makes me excited? How does that make me feel?
3. What am I proud of in my life right now? What about that makes me proud? How does that make me feel?
4. What am I grateful for in my life right now? What about that makes me grateful? How does that make me feel?
5. What am I enjoying most in my life right now? What about that do I enjoy? How does that make me feel?
6. What am I committed to in my life right now? What about that makes me committed? How does that make me feel?
7. Who do I love? Who loves me? What about that makes me loving? How does that make me feel?

The Evening Power Questions
1. What have I given today? In what ways have I been a giver today?
2. What did I learn today?
3. How has today added to the quality of my life? How can I use today as an investment in my future?

30 Poems, 30 Days. #26: janet brown 365 days later

janet brown 365 days later

i hate calling the dead the dead
it’s so morbid
no one ever really dies
when the breathing stops, do you stop living?
do you stop talking to the ones of passed?
does anyone ever really die?

i can’t delete janet brown’s name from my phone book
it’s the only way i can hold her
so tempted to call but i’m scared of hearing the voice on the other end.
we still talk
i speak my mind
she speaks through the language of omens
like baby ducklings to stop traffic
trees to shield lightning
rivers resurrected to remind the people,
mother nature is watching.
i feel so much closer to her a year later
than i did by her hospital bed.
eyes run dry
i can’t squeeze a tear out for janet
she’s happy to know i’ve pulled away from the cycle of why.
befriended death,
said hello and
until next time.

is our lifeline in the veins of our hearts or the lines of our thoughts?
aren’t sound waves real?
feel but not touch,
hear but not see,
speak and know that words travel with destinations plentiful
both anticipated and unknown.
we only hope it lands in the right ears.

is the heart core to existence?
mind over matter works both ways
if we can push ourselves to exceed the humanly perceived,
can’t we cease the heart if determinedly so?
can’t we think about the pathways to death?
willingness holds ultimate control
like the victor standing atop the slain
mind over matter.

believing is beyond seeing.
is astral travel the cousin of death?
the heart isn’t what keeps the living
every beat ticks like a time bomb
with the final pulse, spirits explode like supernovas
how many people forget
they were a star all along?

The Best Valentine’s Day Gift

I don’t like to brag, but I just got the dopest Valentine’s Day package in the mail:

From my incredible home girl in LA, Anjali. It’s more amazing than it looks. The sentimental value and nostalgia almost made me cry:

1) You could always spot me with a bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos on campus at UCLA. These were my shit!!

2) My mentor, Janet Brown, put me on the Uncle Eddies Vegan chocolate chip with walnut cookies. Those were her favorite. R.I.P.

3) I LOVE hand made cards (and hand made anything). This card also had a poem inside about ME ME ME. YEA.

Up until this package, Valentine’s Day had completely slipped to the back of my mind. It’s never been a big deal to me and most likely never will (I don’t believe in it, but I won’t get into the anti-anti dumb capitalist holidays commercialization of love and perpetuation of materialism riffraff right now). This package came as the most uplifting surprise. In fact, this is the first V-day gift I’ve gotten in SIX years. BUCK YEA! I’m an independent lady who can def hold her own, so shit I’ll celebrate myself on Love Day. But damn, if people are going to waste a lot of money on Valentine’s Day anyways, why not waste it on me!? I’m just saying… JK.

Anjali brings it back though. Valentine’s Day is essentially a day of love, but mainstream society has packaged the love celebrated on this day to be a very narrow view of heterosexual romances. I may not have gotten “love” on Valentine’s Day for the past six years (ridiculously expensive roses, gargantuan teddy bears, singing telegrams, fancy dinners and whatever else “impresses” a girl), but I am blessed to know that I have love in my life every day of the year. So whether we are single or not, we should celebrate all the different forms of love in our lives—love within friendships, love within family, love within creative passions and even love within ourselves. Self-love reigns supreme. Because whether we are single or not, our potential to love other people is intensified with how much we love ourselves. Consider your body a tank of love. The more love you fill yourSELF up with love, the more love you can have to give others. So, LOVE and GIVE love, and you will BE LOVED. All day everyday!! Happy V-Day everyone!